The truth is, every relationship is a journey. And no journey is safe. The best you can do is find a companion you care to make the trip with.
I am amazed at how casual some people can move in an out of relationships with no real commitment; and when it’s over it’s over – time to move on. I remain one of those starry-eyed people looking for that perfect fit with a near perfect mate but have come to find there is no such thing. In any relationship there will be those things you absolutely love about your mate and other things that simply drive you crazy.
In the Tyler Perry movie “Why Did I Get Married?” I learned a new thing called the Pareto Principle — better known as ‘The 80-20 Rule. In simple terms it is the art of the few benefiting from the most; and in relationships it has become an art form. Vilfredo Pareto was an early 20th century philosopher who observed that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by only 20% of the population. This concept of uneven distribution is found to be applicable in business, in math and interestingly enough in relationships as well.
So many of us are searching, searching, searching for as close to 100% in a mate as we can get. But we all know how unrealistic that really is. So often when we go down that check list of ‘MUST HAVES’ the one who has the 80% of what we think we want is not the one we really want. We then end up with someone who only has 20% of our ‘MUST HAVES’ but who disappoints us 80% of the time. This brings a whole new twist to the 80-20 rule. That brings me back to an understanding of why so many in relationships move in and out of them so casually.
So on our journey to find perfection, we must first find an understanding, at the start of this journey, just which part of this ‘Pareto’ percentage — 80 or 20 — is truly the most important to us. Are you looking for the 20% the smells good, looks good, is charming and curls your toes, curls your hair and clouds your brain? Or are you a pragmatist who can overlook some physical imperfections or a lack of social graces in exchange for someone with strong family values, common sense, loyalty, a spiritual grounding, great work ethic and a sense of humor.
The truth is we will probably never get it completely right — in or out of any relationship. We can only trust that no matter where we land there will be a string of sweet moments and pleasant memories following behind us to make the journey well worth every bump in the road.
The TurtleQueen Speaks